blog!
21-11-2023
I need to make something with my hands soon or else I'm gonna go crazy. Maybe I should take the opportunity that I have more time than usual since I moved back home for now. Also, it's been forever since I did something creative for myself. I always end up making things for other people.
So, I wanted to try making cyanotype prints but I'm sure I won't be able to find the necessary chemicals here. I've had my mind on making an umbrella for a while now. From sratch possibly out of paper, or just work on top of an already made umbrella. Recreate the one from Shiki-Jitsu or a jellyfish one. I don't need it to be practical, only for decoration. I could use lace, cellophane, clear vinyl,... I want it to be textured as well, lots of it.
STEP-BY-STEP plan (will be numbered afterwards)
- Research different kinds of paper, fabrics
- Make a small prototype first
- Check if I'd be able to find the things here
- How much would it all cost?
- Make moodboard
- Set a realistic time frame
I hope it's not going to cost a lot cause I'm broke. There's also the chance that I won't even be able find the materials here :'). If that ends up being the case I'll think of something else to do...
Oh! Maybe I could make the Ritual book into a zine??? Cause I'm making collages on my computer but it would be way more fun if I could do it physically. Not a bad idea to do this instead of the umbrella siince I'm already working on it. I could do the umbrella after (?). Ughhhhhhh I'd have to go to a printing place to print it and shit is dumb expensive here. I'll figure it out.
I already feel less restless just from brainstorming. Back to studying now!
19-11-2023
I was about to have this first entry be very emotional but I changed my mind and want it to be not that :). What I want the most in the world is to do what I want all the time without worrying about people's perception or opinions of me. I, we, live in a world with other people so I
OK I started writing but shit is getting way too long and introspective and its currently 23.29 and I don't have the mental capacity to word it properly so I'll leave that for another time...
I want to create random shit. No meaning behind them. Videos, photos, sounds, collages, makeup looks and hair styles. People make me feel like I'm an alien. Apparently I am sooooo weird and sooooo quirky and soooo strange. I guess I kinda get away with it since I'm a girl? I'm not conventionally attractive but not conventionally unnattractive either? I think most of the time I can act pretty "normal". Or more like I know when I'm in a space where I can act like myself vs having to put up an act. I'm getting off track ...
Red Velvet released a new album about a week ago and I still haven't listened to it. Probably won't be able to see Faye Webster live. Been obsessevily listening to Duvet. I wonder how I'll be like when I enter a relationship - again - eventually. If I'm very honest with myself that probably won't happen in the next 2/3 years possibly(?). When I move back I want to use all my time and money on myself. And dating someone is so taxing and complicated. Nah I'm good. I do miss being held and told every day that I'm beautiful and amazing and having someone listen to me talk nonsense day in - day out and have someone to do things with me ha ha haha :'). I swear to god if I get anxious and clingy in a relationship again please please shoot me. Always worrying about whether or not some piece of shit man loves me and finds me worthy. Fuck you all you motherfuckers. I don't need any of you. I don't need anyone ever. I wish that I never needed anyone's help with anything. Didn't get to see Shygirl live either kill me. Tomorrow I get to eat guacamole that I made :). I'll make some hummus too and eat them with pita bread. I want to drown in bathtub with cola. Things are strange. I'm pretty good at Fortnite. They added planes to OG this week. I've been making this web collage thing, I don't know what to call it, of the movie Ritual (Shiki-jitsu). Don't even have a concrete idea of what I want it to be but the production company made a book for the movie and I was only able to find 1 pdf with somewhat bad and unsymmetrical scans of it but very high quality. What I'm making is just a website in which you can click through the pages with translations of the text written in Japanese. Yea, just something interesting to look at and click through. I'll add some of the OST, stills of the movie, make gifs. I want to recreate some of the makeup looks as well, and the red umbrella she carries around. It is now 00.19 so I am done. Hope you enjoyed today's word vomit. C U TMRW!